


Gratuitous Ass

by animalwild084



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Ass Slapping, M/M, Poor daichi, Tumblr Prompt, he tried, so many ass puns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-04
Updated: 2017-03-04
Packaged: 2018-09-28 08:47:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10082075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/animalwild084/pseuds/animalwild084
Summary: "I thought you were my friend so I slapped your ass in greeting"Daichi blames Kuroo, but he can't say he doesn't enjoy the outcome.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thunderingskies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderingskies/gifts).



> cj (josai.tumblr.com) dragged me into rarepair hell and I am too far gone to even attempt to crawl back. this ones for you.
> 
> I half-assed (LMAO I'M SO FUNNY lord save me) the editing so let me know if I've made any mistakes or if there's awkward wording! all comments welcome!

Daichi will admit he was tired that fine Monday morning. He might have been hallucinating, his brain functions might not have been thrusting at full capacity. But he digresses. It was not. his. fault. He blames Kuroo. (It’s a very safe method to blame Kuroo for 95% of the shit that goes wrong in Daichi’s life, but Suga deserves some credit as well. Both of them are menaces who need to be separated.)

Either way, Monday could’ve gone better. 

Walking down the steps of the Sciences building, Daichi notices that majority of the stairwell is taken up by this one couple. 

Granted, they aren’t doing any face-sucking so part of Daichi is thankful, but majority of him is still stewing over the fact that the lunch lady Jean is still making dough eyes at Daichi whenever he orders food. 

Daichi blames Kuroo for that too. And he has more evidence to convict him and punish him for his wrongdoing. 

His bad mood settled under his skin from Kuroo convincing Jean that Daichi flirts with her, Daichi being aware that Kuroo occasionally flirts with the girls around the uni, (him and Suga have a competition apparently? Daichi tries to stay out of it), the body language of the couple suggesting that they are flirting and the fact that they take up a lot of fucking space on this goddamn staircase has Daichi’s sluggish morning brain working it hardest to come up with a revenge plot.

Obviously, there is a chance that the dude on the staircase with his back to Daichi isn’t Kuroo, as his hair is blonde from what Daichi can make out in the dim light. But the undercut’s the same. Maybe Kenma convinced Kuroo that blonde was a good look for him. Or maybe Suga and him are having another one of their dares. 

Whatever. Kuroo is badly flirting with a girl, taking up valuable walking space, and deserves sweet revenge for giving Jean (and Daichi) heart palpitations.

Best way to fuck with Kuroo, is to obviously make it seem like he’s already in a relationship in front of the girl he’s trying to get the number of, therefore thwarting Kuroo’s attempt to one-up Suga...or whatever.

Daichi can feel the undeniably maniacal grin stretch across his face as he comes up with his game plan and makes his way down the stairs with purpose. Once Kuroo is in range, Daichi winds up, and lands a solid slap on his ass. The sound reverberates through the stairwell, sounding like sweet, sweet music to Daichi’s ears as he purrs, “Hey babe.”

Kuroo jumps nearly a foot in the air, and the girl he was talking to simultaneously stifles her laugh and looks shocked.

After Kuroo’s (admittedly impressive) jump and balancing act he turns around to stare at Daichi and Daichi can feel his soul leave his body as he realizes...he did not slap Kuroo’s ass. He slapped some random strangers ass and the stranger doesn’t immediately press charges. 

Instead, his leers at Daichi, obviously giving him a once over and purrs back, “Hey hot stuff.”

The girl gives up trying to stifle her laughter, and Daichi’s mouth turns into the Sahara desert and all forms of communication leaves him.

For years, Daichi has been told that he has this aura. He exudes confidence, and he appears comfortable in his body and knowledgeable about his strengths and weaknesses. Only now does Daichi seriously doubt the eyesight of everyone who’s ever told him that. They must be blind. Because none of that confidence is with Daichi now as he flounders and dies in front of two strangers and nearly his entire Psych class. 

Daichi can’t even open his mouth to make sounds, let alone form coherent words. His survival instincts are the only thing left, so no thought goes into his actions when Daichi just evades around the people he has embarrassed himself in front of. He doesn’t turn around when he hears a voice yell at him to wait. He doesn’t acknowledge acquaintances trying to greet him as he walks back to his dorm. Daichi just moves automatically, somehow making it into his room and dropping face first onto his bed.

Maybe he’ll suffocate and never have to show his face in public again.

But of course, Daichi is not granted that small mercy. 

He doesn’t know how long he’s been trying to become one with his bed, his brain just a constant stream of static interspersed by the sound of the ass slap he landed on the stranger playing periodically. But eventually he registers the door to his room being open and someone clearing their throat.

“So. How was your day?”

At the sound of Kuroo’s voice, Daichi sits up and turns around so fast he gets dizzy along with whiplash.

Kuroo’s knowing smirk turns into a full-blown smile and propels Daichi to his feet, storming towards Kuroo.

“You!- I can’t believe. I haven’t, I mean, I don’t know how but-” Daichi can’t control his breathing so it comes out heavy and erratic, but Kuroo just bends over, tears streaming down his face, and laughs.

Daichi reels his arm back to punch the bastard, but Kuroo speaks, “Wait, wait! There’s no need to further prove what great arm strength you have. Everyone saw how stupendous your booty slap was.”

Kuroo slides down to the floor with the force of his laughter, and Daichi no longer has the frame of mind to attempt to punch Kuroo.

“You saw that?!” What even is a normal register.

The statement releases another bout of Kuroo’s laughter so Daichi just steps over his body and decides to go into the kitchen, to see if he can end his suffering by fitting himself in their freezer.

Kuroo gains enough of his bodily functions to follow Daichi, his wheezes impeding him from being totally clear but he’s able to squeeze out, “Oh no. I wasn’t able to witness the beauty of the booty-” he loses speaking functions in favor of his donkey laugh, “But. I do have a few friends in your Psych class who happened to be walking behind you when you decided to get acquainted with someone’s assets.”

Daichi considers finding a sock to stuff in Kuroo’s mouth so he doesn’t have to listen to his disgustingly proud laugh (and so the neighbours don’t complain again) but he might kill Kuroo if he does that so he resists. Only because he doesn’t have a solid alibi, and Suga walks in the door at that moment.

Daichi nods in greeting, not trusting his voice.

But Kuroo seems to have found his. He greets Suga with a, “Hey babe.”

Suga’s smile grows devilish and Daichi goes through the five stages of grief when Suga answers with, “Hey hot stuff.”

Daichi decides indignation is the way to go, and while he has no honor left, he at least doesn’t have to subject himself to rude jokes.

“You too?! You guys need to get a life that doesn’t involve harassing me.”

Suga raises a prim eyebrow, “Well apparently you need to get more ass. Who’s your next target? Or should I say victim?”

Kuroo lets out one blast of laughter, sauntering over to Suga, hand raised for a congratulatory high five.

“That’s why I love you.”

“Oh please Kuroo. You just love me for my choice ass.”

Daichi’s forehead greets the kitchen table as he gives up and says goodbye to his life.

Daichi eventually picks himself up off the floor and goes back to a semblance of routine. He weathers Kuroo’s ass jokes. And Matsukawa and Hanamaki (apparently the friends Kuroo had spoken of that informed him of Daichi’s...act) advertising their help in studying as “ass-istance.” And Suga changing his ringtone to “Anaconda”...and “The Thong Song”...and “Ms New Booty”...and “Bootylicious”...he could go on.

It doesn’t help that since every one of his friends don’t allow him to forget the event, Daichi spends more time than he would like thinking over what happened that fateful day. He can deal with the ribbing, and he eventually gets used to the embarrassment but he’s not prepared for the thought that the strangers ass was a nice one. He was able to “cop a feel” (as Kuroo had stated one afternoon) and by allowing himself space to think it over, the thought that it was a nice ass invades his brain and doesn’t leave.

Daichi can’t deny he’s an ass man.

Honestly, Daichi’s surprised he found the patience to study, but the grades he gets back from his exams tell the story that he did get to study, and quite successfully at that.

Daichi maintains the hope that Kuroo and Suga cooled down their dumb ass jokes over the break, but seeing as he knows Suga and Kuroo, he realistically doesn’t expect much. And he doesn’t allow himself to dwell over the thought that it wouldn’t be bad to get to know the man behind the ass. He never thought that - nope. He definitely doesn’t wonder what the stranger is doing now and if he thinks of Daichi.

But the new semester means a new set of classes so Daichi’s at least thankful and optimistic for the change.

That optimism turns to dread in his first Human Anatomy class.

The day had started out really good. Daichi woke up with his alarm, Kuroo was too tired to antagonize him over breakfast, he didn’t get lost on his way to class and he arrived with a couple minutes to spare.

He should’ve been on edge, aware that the other shoe had to drop sometime.

Less than one minute til class begins and someone sitting heavily in the chair immediately to Daichi’s right calls his attention away from his phone.

Daichi looks up and comes face to face with the stranger whose ass he got familiar with. Daichi swallows nervously, but it leaves his mouth overly dry and his tongue sits extraordinarily heavy and still.

The stranger leans even closer and his eyes flit over Daichi’s face. Obviously Daichi made a lasting impression. (Daichi’s not sure how he feels about that.)

“Terushima Yuuji. I-”

He’s interrupted by the professor walking into the room, door slamming behind them and Daichi rivets his attention towards the front. He resolves to not even glance Terushima’s way and is the image of the perfect student as he follows along with the syllabus and takes notes when necessary.

His mind is definitely not following the same memo, and Daichi worries that it shows on his face.

It’s like one of those paradoxical situations; where you’re told not to think about an object and you think so hard about not thinking about the object that you end up thinking about the object? Yeah, Daichi experiences that.

He skin feels like it’s on fire and he’s hyper aware of Terushima’s attention on him; he’s so tense that he almost jumps when Terushima eventually starts writing.

The professor wraps up the class not 2 minutes later and Daichi doesn’t bother with his normal meticulous packing, he just shoves everything into his bag. He’s not sure what kind of notes he took or if they’re even legible, he just wants to get out of the classroom before he combusts.

He’s not that lucky for the moment he stands up, preparing to leave the aisle and join the crowds filing out of the class, he feels a hand in his back pocket. A hand that is decidedly not his own.

Daichi feels his blush grow (if that’s even possible at this point) but for an entirely different reason, and he has just enough of his mind left to turn around, and look at Terushima.

Daichi’s blush is mirrored on Terushima’s own face, and Terushima stares at his own hand like it betrayed him and simultaneously completed it’s mission in life and he can die happy.

Terushima eventually notices Daichi’s attention and waves his hand before blurting out, “Um! Call me.”  
Daichi’s not sure who leaves first after that, but he’s pretty sure they both left the class in similar states of embarrassment.

Daichi feels lopsided on is walk back to his room and he’s still reeling from the fact that he met Terushima again, was able to get his name, and his number.

When he finally gets home, Daichi closes the door to his room and leans up against it. In some kind of stupor, he puts his hand into his back pocket and pulls out the slip of paper Terushima placed there.

Just 10 digits. 10 little numbers and Daichi’s heart pounds at the possibility. But what if Terushima’s not looking for a relationship? What if Daichi gave him the wrong impression? What if Terushima just wants a booty call? Daichi huffs in amusement at the irony but his thoughts continue to spiral out of control. He’s confused as to what he wants and as to what Terushima wants and he has no idea how he’s going to navigate this thing and if he even wants this to be a thing and he has no clue about Terushima’s personality so is there even a possibility of them being a long time thing? Short time thing?

A knock on the door shakes Daichi out of his thoughts and doubts. Daichi doesn’t know what he’s going to do but he does know that his friends will help him out, no matter how much they make fun of him.

Daichi opens the door and is met with Kuroo’s slightly concerned face, “Hey what’s up? I called out I was home and ordering pizza and you didn’t respond.”

“I was just distracted I guess.” Daichi can’t look Kuroo in the eye, but he’s not quite ready to share his new knowledge.

Kuroo narrows his eyes, clearly not fooled, “Alright but I will sick Suga on you and I’m ordering three meat pizza from Lil’ Jon’s.”

Daichi hums in acknowledgement at the threat and follows Kuroo into the kitchen, settling into the comfortable atmosphere as Kuroo launches into the story of his day.

By the time Suga and the pizza arrive, Daichi is significantly more level-headed and all three of them are lazy and full from food. 

He doesn’t really plan it, he just kinda blurts it out, “I got his name. And his number.”

Suga’s the first one who acts. He tries to untangle himself from Kuroo, but just ends up on the floor.

“That’s great Daichi! Have you texted him?”  
Kuroo just smiles at the Daichi, as if to echo Suga’s statement.

“He ass-essed you and deemed you worthy?”

Daichi lets the comment slide, “Well. I don’t really know. I didn’t make the best first impression so he could just be looking for sex.” No way is Daichi saying “booty call” in front of Kuroo.

Suga stomps over to where Daichi’s sitting, “You haven’t asked him?? Have you had an actual conversation with him? Do you even know his name?”

Daichi blinks at Suga’s logic before answering, “I said I did! Terushima Yuuji.”

Daichi doesn’t think sighs over just saying Terushima’s name, but based on Kuroo and Suga’s faces (one disgusted and the other a knowing smile) he doesn’t keep the emotion out of his voice.

“Okay. Step one done. Now onto step two!” Kuroo moves from his place on the couch, walking towards Daichi in a manner that has him wary.

“What? What are you doing. What’s step two?” Kuroo doesn’t answer, just sits on Daichi and begins to wrestle him. For what, Daichi has no idea, but he knows it’s a bad idea to give Kuroo what he wants.

“What the fuck-why are you groping me?!” Daichi’s surprise allows Kuroo the space he needs and Kuroo triumphantly pulls Daichi’s phone out of his pocket.

Daichi connects the dots and starts to protest, “Oh no! You are not texting him no chance in hell!”

“What’s his number?”

“How should I know?? I just got it today!” Daichi tries to get Kuroo off of him, or at least get his phone back but Kuroo’s arms are longer (and he’s surprisingly heavy) so Daichi just falls back in defeat.

“Daichi. What’s his number?”

Daichi can’t fight the blush and mumbles out, “It’s already saved in my phone.”

Kuroo cackles and Daichi sees him pull up a new message thread and start typing.

Daichi covers his face, not wanting to even think about what Kuroo would write, but when he feels a nudge against his arms he peeks out from behind his hands.  
“Hey. Obviously I’d be able to come up with a killer one liner that’d make Terushima swoon, but he’s gonna be your man.”

Kuroo gives Daichi his phone back, and Daichi just stares at the blinking cursor. 

A few minutes pass. “Okay, but if you don’t text him anything I will.”

Suga intervenes before Kuroo has a chance to take the phone back, “Kuroo, at least give him some time. Do you remember how long it took you to ask me out?” That shuts Kuroo up, but before Daichi can laugh at him, Suga addresses Daichi, “But you do have to initiate this Daichi. Start with your name, maybe go for coffee.”

Daichi glares at Suga, turns back to his phone, takes a breath and starts typing.

He can practically feel the tension in the air, but eventually he hits send and throws his phone away.

“There! I sent it! I sent him a text. I did it.”

Kuroo finally scrambles off Daichi, going over to where his phone landed and reads out the text.

“‘Hey, it’s Sawamura Daichi. You gave me your number during class and I was wondering if you’d like to go out for coffee sometime?’ Not bad Daichi! Although I think you’ve should’ve said something like-OH! Oh my god he responded!” Kuroo tosses the phone back to Daichi, who’s so flustered that he just spikes it to the ground.

Suga recuses the phone from its resting place on the floor and forces the object into Daichi’s hand. He doesn’t need to reprimand Daichi, he just gives him a Look.

Chagrined, Daichi unlocks his phone and looks at the message; “yes! im free this thurs u good to meet up at the spoon at 1?”

Daichi doesn’t give it much thought, he just responds with a simple, “looking forward to it.” Daichi’s not really conscious of the huge smile on his face, at least not until he looks up and sees the glance Suga and Kuroo share. 

He forces the smile off his face and pushes Suga off of him, going to the kitchen and getting some water.

Luckily Suga and Kuroo don’t follow him as the smile doesn’t stay off his face for long.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Thursday comes and Daichi is a mess.

Him and Terushima haven’t really talked since they agreed to meet, and Daichi doesn’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. It allows him to discover what Terushima’s like in person, but it might also be indicative that they’ll have a hard time talking and dead air is the last thing Daichi wants.

Daichi has a 2 hour lecture on Thursday that ends at 12:50, and the room his lecture is close to The Spoon so he’ll arrive with time to spare, but he also isn’t given time to mentally prepare himself.

He woke up early to pick out a nice, yet casual outfit, but sitting in a boring lecture beforehand only gives his brain the space to talk himself out of his choices.

By the time 1 pm rolls around, Daichi is worried that he’s sweat through his shirt, and that the sweat from his palms is going to turn his hands blue from the number of times he’s wiped his hands on his jeans.

When the prof finishes his lecture Daichi nearly cramps up with stress and how hard he tries to not sprint to The Spoon.

When he rounds the corner to the coffee shop, his breath automatically leaves him when he sees Terushima leaning against the wall. 

Terushima’s wearing a plain white tee under a blue button-up, with darker jeans. It’s not a special outfit or anything, but Daichi still feels like he’s under dressed with the naturality that Terushima exudes.

Daichi starts walking towards him, his heart in his throat, and Terushima must hear him coming for he looks up from his phone and his eyes meet Daichi’s. Terushima unleashes a criminal smile, and Daichi can’t help but respond with one of his own.

They finally are close enough to not have to yell at each other, and they both breathe out a hesitant, “Hey.”

They laugh, and Terushima seems to shake off his nerves.

“I know we’ve been...acquainted, but I’m Terushima Yuuji. Pleasure to meet you.” His smirk has Daichi narrowing his eyes in suspicion, having known Kuroo too long to think it innocent, but he can’t stop smiling and goes to shake Terushima’s hand.

“Sawamura Daichi. Feel free to call me Daichi.”

“First name basis already! Oh my~”

Daichi just rolls his eyes at the response, “Let’s just go inside. I’ll treat you to coffee.”

Terushima hums in agreement as Daichi leads the way into the shop, both stepping in line and looking at the menu in favor of starting conversation.

Daichi tries to push down his turmoil by debating over whether to order a Mocha or just a plain black coffee, but he can’t pretend he isn’t nervous and wondering if he meets Terushima’s expectations. He’s so caught up in his own head, and wondering if Terushima will be receptive to the truth of how they...met that Daichi almost misses when it’s his turn to order.

He might imagine Terushima’s chuckle, but he just places his order and asks Terushima what he’d like to get. Terushima seems surprised at first, but then just orders a Latte. 

They step off to the side and wait for their beverages.

“I didn’t realize you were serious about treating me.”

Daichi focuses on the counter in an attempt to hide his blush, “Well, it’s the proper thing to do when on a date. And I also wanted to apologize.”

Terushima looks confused, “We haven’t even done anything yet.” Some nervousness bleeds into his tone.

Their coffees are ready so they grab the cups and move to an open table, Daichi using the opportunity to organize his thoughts. 

“I slapped you on the butt? That was our first meeting, technically and I might’ve given you the wrong impression, and I invaded your personal space and I’m so sorry for that I thought you were a friend of mine and I would never slap someone’s ass if I didn’t know them well and-”

Daichi realizes he’s rambling, and he can feel his face overheating from embarrassment, but he forgets all that when Terushima just laughs, long and loud.

“Honestly, it’s okay. I figured it was something like that when I saw your face, but I don’t mind all that much. It’s a great story to tell people, and I’m still impressed by the power you had in the slap. There’s also the added bonus that you’re hot. Feel free to slap my ass anytime.” Terushima finishes his little speech with a lecherous grin that somehow reminds Daichi of a shark, and Daichi doesn’t know if Terushima’s amused from recalling the incident or from Daichi’s reactions.

“Regardless, I feel sorry for ruining your chances with that girl you were talking to. Also thanks, I think? I guess you could say I got some practice from playing volleyball.”

Terushima looks interested at that, “No way! You play volleyball?”

“I’m just playing every once in a while now, but yeah, I played during high school.”

From there, they keep talking until their coffees have congealed. Daichi finds his worries about not being able to talk unfounded, as they talk about anything and everything. It’s the most free flowing conversation Daichi’s had in awhile. 

Daichi discovers that Terushima’s got a ton of stories (to the point where Daichi worries about his health), he can be more flirty than Suga and more merciless than Kuroo. Daichi also discovers that Terushima puts up more of a front, and hides his anxieties behind his thirst for adventure.

As they continue to talk, Daichi relaxes more and more and starts to call Terushima out on his exaggerations and his toying. Terushima doesn’t seem bothered, but laughs it off and relaxes himself. His body language becomes more open, and his voice becomes softer, more intimate.

They eventually have to move, as the shop starts to close, but they hesitate outside, not wanting to leave.

“I had a lot of fun today. Thanks for this. I hope you don’t mind me already asking you for another date?”

This time it’s Terushima who’s got the blush on his face, and he’s having a hard time looking Daichi in the eye.

Daichi gives him a soft smile, “I’m free next Tuesday and I hear that the new Fast & Furious movie comes out.”

Terushima snorts, “I can’t believe you like those movies Daichi!”

“Well excuse me for liking a classic action movie!”

“That’s a discussion we will definitely be having later, but I really have to go now. My roommates can’t cook for shit and are broke so they might be starving. See you soon?”

Terushima sounds hesitant again, so Daichi does the only thing he can think of to ease his worries; he pecks him on the cheek.

When he leans back, he sees Terushima blushing again and Daichi feels a sense of pride. Although he doesn’t think he can speak at this moment, so he just gives Terushima a small wave, hoping his face portrays how he’s looking forward to seeing Terushima again.

But before he can get to far, Daichi feels Terushima tugging on his arm. He turns around, and Terushima is close. Close enough that Terushima leans his forehead against Daichi’s, staring into his eyes and Daichi tries not to shiver.

“No fair.” Terushima says with a small smile, “You’re no fair Daichi. I wanted to initiate a kiss and sweep you off your feet.”

Daichi smiles back, “What’s stopping you?”

“Besides the fact that you’re built like a lumberjack and I’m afraid I’ll break something if I try to sweep you off your feet?”

Daichi just about heads home at that.

“No no no Daichi I’m kidding! Well, mostly. I just wanted to kiss you when you were least expecting it. It’d make for a hellova good surprise and I maybe wanted to see your face when I surprised you.” 

“That’s a stupid reason. You should just-” Honestly Daichi should’ve known Terushima would try something, but the kiss is still a good surprise.

**Author's Note:**

> Terushima's opener was going to be "If you had a donkey and I had a chicken and if your donkey ate my chicken what will you have? Three feet of my cock up your ass." in case you were wondering ;P


End file.
